Small ponderings of the twenty-something.

*takes deep breath*

What a year its been………thank you so much for checking out my writing. I am so excited to share life updates, joy, triumphs, hurts, thoughts, sorrows and revivals with you.


I think there is something to be said about being a twenty-something and attempting to maneuver through the baby steps of adulthood. The picture that flashes in my mind is of some rando awkward baby giraffe that is trying out it’s legs for the first time (sidenote: apparently a giraffe is my spirit animal and I have also been resembling an ostrich as of late, so I thought the comparison was appropriate). But really, the question of “so where are you headed next?!” will be asked to every college senior about 500 times in the next four months. And it doesn’t stop there. Pretty soon you will be five years out of school and everyone from a family friend to complete strangers will ask the following:

“So, in what ways are you using your major?”

“What are you doing with your life?”

“Are you married yet?”

“How many kids do you want?”

“How is your family?”

“Are you dating someone?”

“You know, my son has been looking for a nice girl…”

“You probably should go get checked for that virus.”

It stresses me out to let my thoughts wander to the people-pleasing capitol of the world: aka my mind. Although I can easily put forth blame on the curious and kind-hearted folk who can’t help but be interested in my exciting life (I joke I joke),  it is my own pressuring and thoughts of inadequacy that fill me with worry and doubt about what comes next in these hazy chapters. I currently am taking the year off of school and that has been one of the hardest decisions and experiences to date. To say it dramatically: My entire life plan has been completely thrown off. We humans have an extraordinary talent to make ourselves miserable when contemplating our future. Because in our view, the present is far too complacent and unexciting, so we think of the “But when I get there” and “One day” and “As soon as I make enough money” dreams. We have our life planned out to the day. But here’s the thing.

We are not the ones in control.

Friends, let me blow your mind: your future isn’t guaranteed to be full of sprinkles and sunshine.  Whether you believe in God or not, your human desire to have complete control will never be satisfied. There are over 7 billion people on this planet. 7 billion. HEYYOOO that is quite a lot. But I am not gonna sit here and throw statistics at you.  Also, I’d be very impressed if you have made it this far into the blog (pat on the back to you, buddy). But to say it plainly, the future is too big to solely be on you and your selfish ambition.

I am a follower of Jesus Christ. But unlike the common perception in America today that I am a “brainwashed Christian”, I can humbly assure you my decision to follow Christ was not one blindly done. I learned at a pretty young age that life is not a soft hug and a bucket of chocolates (now I’m sounding like a real pessimist, but worry not, I will make my point soon).  Periods of complete doubt and grief convinced me that I was utterly alone, despite following Jesus since I was a little girl. I had a confused outlook mixed with the radical opinions of our world combined with the awareness of  violence and oppression that so many people groups are currently facing. “Surely….surely a good God does not exist if all of these horrific events are happening in our world! Most of the time I hardly know what I believe anymore in this unpredictable and wavering time.

Why does God allow horrible things to happen to good people? I struggled with this question for several years. I think about my future often and find myself consumed with fear as I look out into the world. Why on earth does He allow abuse in homes, terrorism, disabilities, and hardships to disrupt our every day lives? Although I will touch more on this at a later time, I will say this: As much as we like to blame God in anger for our problems, He is not the instigator of them.


Yes, you heard right. Let me clarify.

There is this small concept called sin nature.  It actually impacts every decision we make. “For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms”(Ephesians 6:12). 

I’m sure you have heard the story of Adam and Eve. They were given a beautiful world with everything they could have wanted but despite the Lord’s warnings, they found themselves unable to obey the only command the Lord gave: Do not eat from tree in the middle of the garden (see Genesis 3 for for the full story). Adam and Eve sinned because they had the option to. They, like every human now, fell into temptation. They made a choice.  To pick to love God and trust His wisdom or to stray away in attempt to find another form of satisfaction.


This is a scary responsibility my friends.

You are given the opportunity to choose your clothes, meals, spouse, school, house, church, car and a billion other material goods of choice. You have the power to build people up, tear people down, to give and to take away, to hurt, harm, love, comfort, feel, and search.  We are not tied down to one-size-fits-all world. We are called to be different. For those who seek wisdom and a life in Christ, He calls us to be stewards of His very nature and to live as He did.     

Readers, my request and plea to you is that you embrace you freedom purely and boldly, not settling for complacency and not giving in to high-talking philosophy. But that you seek PEACE and pursue it. That you press forth to find truth in every area and in every topic, so that you can “always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have (1 Peter 3:15).

Thank you for taking the time to read this. I hope to expand on some of the subjects I touched on here in later blogs that can do them more justice. Much has happened in my life over the last few years, and I look forward to sharing my experiences and findings with you. Until then, as always, much much love.

And what does the Lord require of you?
        To act justly and to love mercy
      and to walk humbly with your God.

   Micah 6:8



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